sunglasses and advil, last night was mad real.

yo diamonds. listen. i went to the fabric store with my old lady today. for personal reasons, i don't actually go in fabric stores, which resulted in me sitting in the newport shopping center parking lot by myself for a little over an hour. i refreshed facebook on my phone about 300 times, took some cute selfsies, sober texted some people, and that was only in the first 5 minutes. my solitude caused me to have some kind of weird panic attack, which made me want to dye my hair. i decided i wanted to dye it a nice red to match the robe that Our Lady of Guadelupe is wearing in my necklace that i plan on wearing for a few months. so now i can legally say 'i have bright red hair and have homicidal thoughts', or at least, it will creep people out more when i say it now. GOD it feels good to not look nu metal anymore. now i just look like i never got the memo that 2004 ended. any way. last night was the mardi gras party at my brother's bar. got kind of drunk and saw a lot of boy's bathing suit areas, which is funny because it's totally not even bathing suit weather yet. feelin kind of gross right now. yesterday i was hungry, but didn't feel like getting out of my car, so i ordered 3 dozen hush puppies from KFC and i more or less minus the less ate all of them. now i'm double fisting beer and coffee bout to go drive around and show off my new do, maybe park outside of the strip club and see what happens. you know. sundays.

Way Of The Road

hello. good news! the tests have come back and i am NOT an alcoholic. i just went 3.5 days without drinking, therefor, you are gay. oh Queens, i've missed you. i don't really know what i've been doing. i'm on my third sick day in a row from work, and my body and soul are starting to feel a little brittle, but i guess that's the way of the road, the way she fuckin goes. i've been having some pretty dank back problems, which in my opinion were caused from my severe anxiety about whether or not to dye my hair brown. Freddie, my room mate/mother did this crazy shaman thing on me to find the source of my pain and she told me that i needed to take a day and just lay in bed and cry. so i've been calling off work and instead, popping muscle relaxers and watching Trailer Park Boys. if you add everything i just said up, you will realize how vulnerable i am feeling right now. OH! i almost forgot! i made a new frienemy!!! her name is 'Dirty Haired Russian Rose' and she likes to kiss girls and drink well vodka, as long as someone else is paying. that's about it. i'm kind of seeing this new guy. i met him on a cigarette break at work. he told me 'you are sexy for a white girl', and just like that, i knew i'd have trouble getting rid of him. His name is 'Minutes', cause he's always telling me to call him cause he just got some more minutes for his phone. i love my life!!!!!!! Here is a picture of some of my all time favorite homosexuals and another chart topping picture of my see-through new years eve shirt.

ok, here's a riddle for you. what if i'm wearing a see through shirt with a bra, leave with a group of guys no one has seen before, then show up a couple days later a little taller and just a tad less cynical? don't worry boys, i don't kiss and tell, i'm old fashioned that way! just like back ally abortions.

Swaggy

yo qPdidyy whats up. i just made toast in the oven while smoking a cigarette with wet nails. i woulda taken some pix, but i've run out of minutes on my pre-pay so the camera phone is a no go till the first. my mom quit smoking today so she's hidden all the ashtrays so i'm using her favorite measuring cup to ash. that'll show her!! i don't even know why i'm eating, i'm tryna go hard tonight. it's the official 2013 A-GAME weekend, so i feel sorry for which ever country jail and or hospital i end up in. today sucked kinda, worked a 12 hours shift. but my girl Star was there which was cool cause she said she wasn't gunna have a ride to work, but then her cousin ended up dropping her off on the way to her sister's court hearing. as we were closing, this like 15 year old hood rat walked up to me, looked me up and down, and i was about ready to call Loss Prevention on her, but then she smiled and said 'you look real swaggy'. HOW SWEET. totally changed my day. last night was opening night of A-Game weekend, and i must be honest, i was bringin my b-game, at best. i somehow got tricked into being the DD by my brother who chugged a box of wine before we left. but u no me, this just meant me getting drunk enough where i would remember to only take left turns, cause my right turn signal STILL isn't working. i ended up at my regular bar, where i proceeded to get white girl drunk and cry at the bar. i guess there's a first time for everything, and in this case, there's a sixth or seventh time for everything. Pockets, you remember pockets from New Year's Eve, has been my baby daddy for the past month. i thought we ended it the other day, but then he proceeded to very publicly tell me last night that he is too old for me. i mean, yea, he was already legally drinking when i was born, but age is just a number just like jail is just a hotel. see?! full circle. see you in county tonight, bitches. here is the best song of all time. if you don't think so you're either white, or wrong.

ima read ima read ima read

hey fancy pants, miss queen what's good? today at work my friend Red (we call her red cause we don't know how to pronounce her real name and she has red micro braids) told me she liked my nails. then she asked if they were real. i said yes. then she said 'oh they look fake. i like that look'. me 2 gurl. doin it for my friends. i only got 2 and if you're reading this, you are one of them. went kinda hard last night. beer, gin and tonic, martini, shot of vodka, shot of tequila, shot of rum. probably more who knows. i've been doing this thing lately where i get really drunk then go to this restaurant and i order 3 orders of toast then i don't eat them. just tryin to help the economy, i guess. who knows. here's a picture of me drinking beer by myself at 6 am the other day.

Les Miserables

ok ima get real for a minute. i am now emotionally unavailable thanks to the 2012 indy sci fi flick Les Miserables. god damn. i saw it today, AGAIN. you know when you're fighting with your mom for like 3 hours and you cry some and you laugh some, but mainly you throw glass and metal objects at each other? that's what happened to me today, except my mother wasn't there and my metal objects were confiscated while entering the theatre. my eyes are swollen, i'm having trouble breathing, my muscles hurt. then again, that could be from the lavish amounts of alcohol i drank last night, but i don't think so. i don't think so at all, QPD. i have been mentally mugged. i am disturbed. i probably need medication. it is all i have talked about, thought about, and eaten for the last 7 days. and it's not getting any better. anyway. in trying to have a life other than les mis, i have been drinking a lot. last night i had some wine on the way to the bar, where i drank some drank, then went to my friend sam's (sam, the one who thought he could fly but instead just broke his neck) and played How To Get Drunk In Three Minutes Or Less, where you line up a gin and tonic, a glass of wine, a shot of vodka, some kind of chaser if you're a pansy, a beer, then another shot of vodka. you have 3 minutes to kill it, but let's be honest, it only took me 38 seconds. i then proceeded to stay awake by myself until 6 am at which point i had a real weird facebook convo with my mom. here's a picture of me after les mis today. you can't really tell, but my face was covered in snot and tears. i went into the movie wearing a lot of makeup, but my emotions washed it away. even the lipstick.

Put it down

yo pinks! happy national 'lay in bed and watch netflix day'!!! well just brushed my teeth with dr. bronner's soap cause i'm out of toothpaste. but there's no way putting that into my body could be any worse than what i put into it last night, and i don't even mean intravenously or sexually. god damn am i hungover. i've been doing this thing lately where i pre game before i pre game for the bar. so last night, new years eve, one of the more exciting eve's of the year, i drank beer and about 4 glasses of wine before i went to the pre game party where i had a bottle of champagne and about 5 glasses of wine so i could get oiled up for the bar where i couldn't even tell you what i drank. it's one of those questions i'm going to have to wait to ask god i guess. i just got home from long john silvers where i ordered 24 hush puppies and a gallon of Dr. Pepper all for me. MY TURN!!!! i have no doubt that those things are cooked in animal liquids, but i don't know that for a fact, so what doesn't kill me in this case does not make me stronger, it makes me depressed and in pain. anyway. don't remember much from last night except some guy named 'Pockets' telling me 'you and your see through shirt are so beautiful' and then i made him tell me i was smart and a good actress and a very moral person. i think he's the one, you guys. here is a picture of me and my see through shirt. the asshole shooting some sweet deuces in the background is the guy who got me banned from OkCupid. tell all your friends.

and here's some Brandy for your time.

dank nails

hello bloggirlcousinperson. i was forced into adulthood this morning around 11 am when i was DRUNK on chillable and my mom points at me and says, 'if you have time to lean, you have time to clean!', which is the communist way of saying, 'your laziness is annoying me'. she handed me a big girl knife and some potatoes and then i told her 'my hair is bright red and i have homicidal thoughts' then she took the knife away from me and handed me a carrot peeler. then she smoked all of my cigarettes and made me drunk drive to walgreens, aka, the center of the universe. anyway, i only lost 3 press-ons in this tragedy, so after all is said and done, this has definitely the best christmas ever! if you've been keeping track, you will know that last night was christmas eve, one of the more boring eves of the year. so i got pretty crunk by myself on red wine while watching E.T. which kind of made me evaluate my existence and stuff. then i went to the bar. the guy who i lost my virginity to was there. well, at least my November 2012 virginity. he was there, dancing with this girl who was wearing a floor length linen skirt and some kind of earth friendly tee shirt and probably fucking birkenstocks or something. what is this?! The Wicker Man?!?! and in that moment, i realized no matter how pretty your eyes are, who you dance with at the bar at 1 am on christmas morning is what truly defines you. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! this is what they looked like: but i still got 7 press-ons!!! i lost jay-z and 2 of the blue ones, but at least i still got my girl B!