Swaggy

yo qPdidyy whats up. i just made toast in the oven while smoking a cigarette with wet nails. i woulda taken some pix, but i've run out of minutes on my pre-pay so the camera phone is a no go till the first. my mom quit smoking today so she's hidden all the ashtrays so i'm using her favorite measuring cup to ash. that'll show her!! i don't even know why i'm eating, i'm tryna go hard tonight. it's the official 2013 A-GAME weekend, so i feel sorry for which ever country jail and or hospital i end up in. today sucked kinda, worked a 12 hours shift. but my girl Star was there which was cool cause she said she wasn't gunna have a ride to work, but then her cousin ended up dropping her off on the way to her sister's court hearing. as we were closing, this like 15 year old hood rat walked up to me, looked me up and down, and i was about ready to call Loss Prevention on her, but then she smiled and said 'you look real swaggy'. HOW SWEET. totally changed my day. last night was opening night of A-Game weekend, and i must be honest, i was bringin my b-game, at best. i somehow got tricked into being the DD by my brother who chugged a box of wine before we left. but u no me, this just meant me getting drunk enough where i would remember to only take left turns, cause my right turn signal STILL isn't working. i ended up at my regular bar, where i proceeded to get white girl drunk and cry at the bar. i guess there's a first time for everything, and in this case, there's a sixth or seventh time for everything. Pockets, you remember pockets from New Year's Eve, has been my baby daddy for the past month. i thought we ended it the other day, but then he proceeded to very publicly tell me last night that he is too old for me. i mean, yea, he was already legally drinking when i was born, but age is just a number just like jail is just a hotel. see?! full circle. see you in county tonight, bitches. here is the best song of all time. if you don't think so you're either white, or wrong.

ima read ima read ima read

hey fancy pants, miss queen what's good? today at work my friend Red (we call her red cause we don't know how to pronounce her real name and she has red micro braids) told me she liked my nails. then she asked if they were real. i said yes. then she said 'oh they look fake. i like that look'. me 2 gurl. doin it for my friends. i only got 2 and if you're reading this, you are one of them. went kinda hard last night. beer, gin and tonic, martini, shot of vodka, shot of tequila, shot of rum. probably more who knows. i've been doing this thing lately where i get really drunk then go to this restaurant and i order 3 orders of toast then i don't eat them. just tryin to help the economy, i guess. who knows. here's a picture of me drinking beer by myself at 6 am the other day.

Les Miserables

ok ima get real for a minute. i am now emotionally unavailable thanks to the 2012 indy sci fi flick Les Miserables. god damn. i saw it today, AGAIN. you know when you're fighting with your mom for like 3 hours and you cry some and you laugh some, but mainly you throw glass and metal objects at each other? that's what happened to me today, except my mother wasn't there and my metal objects were confiscated while entering the theatre. my eyes are swollen, i'm having trouble breathing, my muscles hurt. then again, that could be from the lavish amounts of alcohol i drank last night, but i don't think so. i don't think so at all, QPD. i have been mentally mugged. i am disturbed. i probably need medication. it is all i have talked about, thought about, and eaten for the last 7 days. and it's not getting any better. anyway. in trying to have a life other than les mis, i have been drinking a lot. last night i had some wine on the way to the bar, where i drank some drank, then went to my friend sam's (sam, the one who thought he could fly but instead just broke his neck) and played How To Get Drunk In Three Minutes Or Less, where you line up a gin and tonic, a glass of wine, a shot of vodka, some kind of chaser if you're a pansy, a beer, then another shot of vodka. you have 3 minutes to kill it, but let's be honest, it only took me 38 seconds. i then proceeded to stay awake by myself until 6 am at which point i had a real weird facebook convo with my mom. here's a picture of me after les mis today. you can't really tell, but my face was covered in snot and tears. i went into the movie wearing a lot of makeup, but my emotions washed it away. even the lipstick.

Put it down

yo pinks! happy national 'lay in bed and watch netflix day'!!! well just brushed my teeth with dr. bronner's soap cause i'm out of toothpaste. but there's no way putting that into my body could be any worse than what i put into it last night, and i don't even mean intravenously or sexually. god damn am i hungover. i've been doing this thing lately where i pre game before i pre game for the bar. so last night, new years eve, one of the more exciting eve's of the year, i drank beer and about 4 glasses of wine before i went to the pre game party where i had a bottle of champagne and about 5 glasses of wine so i could get oiled up for the bar where i couldn't even tell you what i drank. it's one of those questions i'm going to have to wait to ask god i guess. i just got home from long john silvers where i ordered 24 hush puppies and a gallon of Dr. Pepper all for me. MY TURN!!!! i have no doubt that those things are cooked in animal liquids, but i don't know that for a fact, so what doesn't kill me in this case does not make me stronger, it makes me depressed and in pain. anyway. don't remember much from last night except some guy named 'Pockets' telling me 'you and your see through shirt are so beautiful' and then i made him tell me i was smart and a good actress and a very moral person. i think he's the one, you guys. here is a picture of me and my see through shirt. the asshole shooting some sweet deuces in the background is the guy who got me banned from OkCupid. tell all your friends.

and here's some Brandy for your time.