bah

so oops, i have been thinking a lot lately. and that thinking has led to a desperate last month of teen-age hood crisis. it is horrible.

i.do.not.want.to.be.a.trendy.hipster.

see that, even the way i typed that is hip or something.

all of my life, like literally before i can remember, i have always wanted to be alternative. always. in early teen-age hood, i wanted to be a cool i dont give a shit hip indie kid. this was before it was hip to be that though, at least i think, i dont really know cause it was kinda new and exciting to me and i was blinded by it.

but now i get head aches thinking about that. being 'hip' is an easy get-out-of-mainstream-free card. and i guess i associate 'mainstream' with being un-inteligent and boring. but hip is the new mainstream, so where am i to go from here?

lat night i got dressed up to be social, and i tried really hard to look cute, but now looking at pictures from last night, i looked a little ridiculous and trendy. but if i don't want to look 'mainstream' or 'hip', what else is there? it is all i can think about!! AHHH.

is there something equivalent to hip that is even deeper that 'tr-indie' hip? or is that something i am searching for above hip on this invisible culture chain in my head? or is what i am seeking above mainstream? or can it be found somewhere in the 9th circle of hell behind the big white flower. (another sly hip reference)

and then i was like, what does it matter what i look like or dress like? fashion is art. but then art is so trendy!! and then i was like, why am i even writing this pseudo fashion blog? that is too mainstream hip for my ridiculously alternative lifestyle!!!

basically what it comes down to is, hip boys are really fucking attractive in the right light,but what happens to them in a different light or when they take off their youth sized tee shirts and thick rimed glasses?

so what i have come up with is this... the ultimate fuck you to society i can wear is designer taylored suits made only for me... that is until that becomes hip and everyone starts doing it.

i guess that will be in a couple years if i start today... in 2012...when the world ends. SHIT.